Book review: How a Sydney lawyer is confronted with murder and motherhood
The Mother Wound by Amani Haydar is a memoir about strong women and motherhood.
All of sudden, when Haydar was five months pregnant, she lost her mother in a brutal act of domestic violence perpetrated by her father.
A lawyer by trade, Haydar’s Pan Macmillan Australia read won the Australian Book Industry Awards 2022 Matt Richell Award for New Writer of the Year.
So keep reading to find out what her book is all about, what makes it a powerful read and what we can learn for our own life-story projects …
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What The Mother Wound is about
The Mother Wound begins with Haydar recounting her childhood with three siblings in culturally diverse western Sydney, graduating from university and marrying fellow lawyer Moey.
However, when Haydar is five months pregnant, her father fatally stabs her mother over 30 times and also injures her youngest sister.
What follows is a traumatic few years of court proceedings, the birth of Haydar’s two children and her stepping up to support her siblings.
Most importantly though, the book explains how Haydar actively works to preserve her mother’s legacy and educate those who are most vulnerable to abuse.
“‘Salwa Haydar taught us compassion and optimism, and we are repaying her every single day. She will forever have three loyal daughters who will keep her book of deeds open – and you cannot kill that.’”
What makes this life story interesting?
There are many interesting elements of The Mother Wound that make it a fascinating read.
Firstly I learnt much about Haydar’s Lebanese heritage including about the country’s geography, culture, people and how they have endured decades of war.
Also how Haydar argues that domestic violence should instead be referred to as domestic abuse so that it incorporates damaging verbal and emotional abuse.
Finally I was shocked to learn how many women are killed by those closest to them every year in Australia.
For example, at least 50 women were reportedly killed in 2022 (ABC News) and on average one woman every nine days is killed by a current or former partner (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare).
“At some point, you have to stop trying to understand the abuser. They want your world to revolve around theirs. You will not beat them because they will go to lengths that you are not prepared to go. You must realise that they will not give you the ending you need.”
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What can we learn from Haydar’s memoir?
We can takeaway much from The Mother Wound memoir for our life-story creating.
For instance the book cover is notable for its vibrant and tender artwork plus its deeply personal title.
In addition the way Haydar is able to reflect on her own situation and emotions as well as what her mother experienced.
But critically how Haydar approaches and writes about such a painful and traumatic experience.
“The best storytelling is that which builds a community and it is, in turn, a communal responsibility to make the space – in courtrooms, media, schools, society – safer for stories. That way, victims know that they are welcome and supported to reclaim their narrative and thereby reclaim their world.”
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Final say: The Mother Wound
The Mother Wound by Amani Haydar is a devastating memoir no daughter should have to write.
It lays bare how Haydar’s father murdered her mother and how she was forced to reconsider her parent’s relationship.
Certainly read this book to learn about ‘invisible’ domestic abuse.
But also so you can help bring about change and hope like Haydar.
“Men can’t just throw words around in courtrooms, at the podium, in the media, or at work anymore. We’re onto them. A growing awareness of the effects of abuse and trauma is emboldening women to speak more openly. Our experiences are evidence of why change is needed and, with so many survivors sharing their stories, I have hope that the narrative is slowly changing.”
Please note: If you or someone you know is experiencing or is at risk of domestic abuse contact: 1800RESPECT, Kids Help Line, Lifeline.
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Your say
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