Case study: How a Florida journalist wrote this She Writes Press life story
Nobody’s Daughter: A memoir of healing the mother wound by Rica Ramos is a family story about old trauma and new life.
The memoir tells how American journalist Ramos was about to remarry in her early forties but questioned inviting her mum to the wedding.
In short this was because her mother refused to acknowledge the sexual abuse a young Ramos had suffered at the hands of her stepfather.
So keep reading to find out what happened, how the She Writes Press publication got started plus essential tips for your own creating…
Related article – Publishing: The ultimate guide to publishing a life story
Rica Ramos’s Nobody’s Daughter
A remarkable story
I’m a mid-forties mother from Florida with two grown sons and two granddaughters – or should I say princesses?
Certainly they will claim their titles.
I’ve worked as a journalist for many years and Nobody’s Daughter is my second memoir, published in May 2023.
In short it’s a story about unresolved family history and the manifestations of the mother wound.
While the themes are emotionally heavy, I believe the book is infused with enough humour and hope to balance the complexities of a trauma memoir.
Now I’m writing a novel and am excited about the world of fiction!
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Why I started this life-story project
I have always written out of need – the need to understand my inner world and use that understanding to grow and thrive in the real world.
Therefore writing Nobody’s Daughter was my best tool for navigating the past with the goal of finding some much-needed clarity.
Certainly the project was one of self-discovery but it also allowed me to step outside of myself, observe the family history and consider it more objectively.
So having that distance and neutrality was crucial to writing a balanced story and not falling into the trap of mother blame or martyrdom.
Of course it’s a difficult thing to expose loved ones for their abuse.
But having the courage to do that means I also had to talk about my own flaws as a mother and accept culpability for the hurt I may have caused others too.
Undeniably doing this helped me take the next steps towards healing.
Related article – The Mother Wound: A multi award-winning debut memoir by Amani Haydar
Support from loved ones for the book
I never expected my mother to read Nobody’s Daughter (and to my knowledge she hasn’t).
But other family members have said it was a difficult read. So I don’t doubt that.
Ultimately, most family members were supportive and have even recommended the book to others who’ve experienced similar traumas.
Also I continue to get beautiful messages from strangers about the ways they related to my struggle and have been impacted by the story.
Indeed that feedback only confirms that publishing the book was the right decision.
Getting started on the Mother Wound
Feeling the urge to write
When the nudges to write about my situation turned into more concrete plans for Nobody’s Daughter, I began working with a book coach and editor of my previous work.
Certainly having that encouragement and accountability helped me slog through it when things felt messy and chaotic.
You’ve heard the phrase: “It takes a village.”
Well it goes a bit like that when you’re writing a book!
All in all I’m not sure how long it took exactly, perhaps close to two years.
Indeed I was working full time and juggling family responsibilities but I spent my early mornings sipping lots of coffee and writing my chapters.
Breaking through barriers
There were some ‘uh-oh’ moments because of the deeply personal content I share in Nobody’s Daughter.
Specifically I struggled with the thought that I was somehow betraying my mother.
Undeniably women who’ve been in toxic relationships or are dealing with mother wounds often feel guilt or shame about speaking out.
So I had to continually remind myself to claim my voice, own the story.
Savouring successes
Writing does provide an emotional release but it also feeds me on a soul level.
Recently I told my editor about the difficulty I was having with a new project and how I felt guilty about not being further along with the work.
Most importantly she assured me that I would find my flow once again because a writer cannot not write.
So being in that ‘flow state’ is just bliss.
Certainly it’s my happy place.
Learning lessons from Nobody’s Daughter
Best bit of the book?
The end!
Now I don’t want to spoil it so I’ll just say it’s interesting how life surprises you.
In short, sometimes we get what we need from the situations we initially resisted.
Hints for new writers
Firstly surround yourself with support.
For example, I have many author friends who inspire me and keep me engaged in the literary world but I also know that I need deadlines and assignments to keep me focused.
So buddies aren’t always the best motivators.
Second, if you need more structure, find someone who will be firm and send you back to your writing den when you’re tempted to play.
Of course it can be most difficult writing those first books, as your confidence isn’t always there.
For instance with my first book, I wasted a lot of time questioning my process – was I doing this or that right?
But having a mentor helps relieve that anxiety that can leave you paralyzed and confused.
Above all it truly is worth it to see those projects through and hold a finished work in your hands!
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Final say
Nobody’s Daughter: A memoir of healing the mother wound by Rica Ramos underscores every woman’s right to truth and validation.
Indeed it offers a bold and lucid look at mother-daughter relationships.
So take a read now by purchasing a copy wherever books are sold or from Ramos’s website.
Also visit for more about the memoir’s topics and connect with her on Facebook.
Happy writing!
*Please note: If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence contact emergency services. If you are affected by this story and want to seek assistance, see: 1800RESPECT, Kids Help Line, Lifeline, Beyondblue.
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Your say
Are you writing a memoir like Ramos? I always love hearing from different people. Drop me an email or leave a reply in the comments section at the end of this article.
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